Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
