What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
