just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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