If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
