I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize