why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
