I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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