I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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