I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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