It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
