I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
