A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
