saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
