in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
