bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
