He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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