I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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