How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
