these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
