My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
