All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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