"it" just moved
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
