my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
two words...techno handjob
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
