I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
