I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
