I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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