Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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