She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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