One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
