I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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