I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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