that's an acceptable place to lick
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
