i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
