Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
