So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
