dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize