I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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