She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
