our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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