Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We have so much sex to catch up on
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Randomize
