Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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