But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
