"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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