drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
