I CAN MOONWALK!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
