im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
