i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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