Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
