Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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