My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
