Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
