my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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