Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize