if only i could text you this smell
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
