Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
