Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
