someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
