You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
