I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
