Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
