I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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