Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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