and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
