I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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