dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
