Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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