you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
another moral hangover. fuck.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
