you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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