haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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