how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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