The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
