Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
