There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
