So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
