Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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