Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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