we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
