i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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