I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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