He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
