i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
