i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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