The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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