Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
