She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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