What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
