I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
