So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
