This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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