I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize