$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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