i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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