$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize