Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
