I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
