I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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