at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
