Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
