I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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