I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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