May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
