No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
