The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
