i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
