I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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