it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's like heaven, but drunker
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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